We have not received a call regarding the MRI. I am sure we will receive good MRI news on Wednesday!

Spring break week went very very fast. We ended it with Asher's sister's 5th birthday today. Tomorrow is back to normal routine again.

So this past weekend, Asher hopped on one foot, five times in a row before losing his balance. However, he could not stand on one foot for more than a second; he really struggled with finding a balance point. On the flip side, Asher's sister, who is one year younger, could not hop on one foot more than two times, but she could stand on one foot for a long long time, well over a count to 25.

Asher was back to school today after two full weeks off. He had a great day, I can tell.

Next break is a four day weekend, soon, and he'll turn 6 then. We're still trying to plan what to do. A little driving trip is probably in sight.

Since I wanted to put a baby gate around the Christmas tree (to protect it from babies and pets and the babies and pets from it), I moved part of our sectional couch out of the corner of the family room, pushing it up against two other sections of couch, and we put up our tree in the corner. It is beautiful. I like it. I want to keep it up ALL year. Anyway.... So, now there is the high back part of the curved sectional piece kind of sticking out in the room. Asher likes to sit up on it, while he and Alexa play on the computer at the desk. But, he also likes to stand on it and balance and jump off onto the floor below. My son has never jumped off of something that high (3 feet?) off the floor. Mainly because he couldn't do it before. But, now he can. Two weeks ago, or was it last week, anyway, he wanted me to help him on the monkey bars, so I did. But, mostly he got up there, hung from one bar, and then realized he couldn't move to the next bar but was scared to let go. So, I taught him to not be scared. I told him to jump down to land on his feet and when he hit the ground to bend his knees. We have more than four inches (probably almost six inches under the monkey bar section) of rubber mulch under our playground, so I'm not too worried about him jumping down that far. But, I am a bit more worried about him at school, where there is just sand, and a bunch of 'wild' kids, so I wanted to teach him to fall safely. And, he just kept doing it, over and over again on his monkey bars at home. Climbing up, hanging from the first bar, then letting go and dropping to the ground. It was after that, that he started to jump high off the couch sectional, as I described above. Every time he did it, I cringed. Tonight, I started to get mad a bit, because now his baby brother, almost 17 months old, is starting to imitate him. Ah....now my stomach is in knots. Hello. Lets not jump off the couch like that. Asher always did like to run and jump on the couch like it was a trampoline. I did a scrapbook page one time, titling it, "Let them be little" after the song. Andrew is starting to really like to walk along the couch, now, too. Guess that is what I get for buying such a long sectional couch like I did eight years ago.

So, about his physical strength....when I watch him run, after he gets home from school, he takes a huge, huge stride and really swings his arms and really moves his hips. I'm amazed watching him. He has come home from school and said his friends are always faster than him. He says, "D and B just go running right past me and get way ahead of me." The thing is, now that he started eating his lunch again (he went a week or so without eating and he was getting physically exhausted), when he gets off the bus, he wants to walk home, even run. Alexa wants to run with him. If she gets anywhere near him, from behind, he turns around and yells at her to, "Get away!" "Stop it!" And, I'm not sure what the right thing to do is, but I want him to win, sometimes. I ask Alexa to let Asher beat her home. And, he is fast, but after a full day of school, come 3pm, he's pretty tired, physically. If it were in the morning, I think he could beat Alexa in a running race. Anyway....

He's growing up, so fast, right before my eyes. If I ever doubted my decision not to put him into formal physical therapy, I don't anymore. One half a year in kindergarten, two to three recesses a day, PE every eight days I think it is, has helped him so much! And, I'm not taking him out of the classroom for PT at school, where he is learning to read and write, which at this point is more important at school since I struggle getting him to 'study' at home. He has so much more confidence now that he's in school. He's gaining independence. He's maturing and amazing me, every week.

Two more days of school and second quarter is over. He then has two weeks off for winter break. I'm also excited, because in January he has a couple of days off of school, and they happen to land right before his 6th birthday and right after, giving us a long four day weekend. So, we're hoping to take a little trip. We'll see how it plays out.

Here's a conversation while doing 1 1/2 hours of kindergarten homework, at the kitchen table, right after lunch. (Let me add, the reason there was so much homework is I had him do about 85% of the December homework as he was in a good mood and cruising through it so fast. And as of 12/16 he is all done with his December homework now.)

A "Why did God give us blood? I mean, why is there blood and then skin and then our eye goes in there?"

me thinking....uhhh, I dunno. OK, I'm a mom, I know things, make something up.

me "We have to have blood going into all parts of our body for our body to be strong and alive. Our heart pumps our blood to all parts of our body."

A "What if our heart stops pumping the blood?"

me "We would die. We need our heart to pump the blood so we can live."

A "Oh. Well, I hope my heart doesn't stop pumping then. It is going to pump and pump and pump. I'm gunna get old... Ah... (shaking his head a little to change his mind) I want to live forever."

"Give thanks for sorrow that teaches you pity; for pain that teaches you courage - and give exceeding thanks for the mystery which remains a mystery still - the veil that hides you from the infinite, which makes it possible for you to believe in what you cannot see."
Robert Nathan

Lots to be thankful for, this year, each day. I could write a book on what I am thankful for, but I won't. Not here.

I do want to say I am thankful to the hospital staff for making Asher's Wednesday MRI go soooo smoothly. Very happy with the care they gave him. We, of course, are still waiting the results, and most likely will get them at clinic mid-December.

I'm also thankful for my mom and her wonderful cooking. It was nice to relax and enjoy and I know she was tired, hot and feet hurt from cooking and I appreciate her so much! We all were stuffed from Thanksgiving lunch.

I'm also thankful for my sister and her husband for making the 13 hour drive down to visit us. I could never image the chaos of getting ready to travel with 4 young kids or even actually doing it. I miss them and love seeing her 1-2 times a year.

I'm thankful for my hubby, for sooooo much, but this past weekend, for letting me sleep in two days and for taking care of all the kids, alone, Friday so I could have an adult day at my mom's house.

I'm also thankful for those of you still coming here to check up on my boy, Asher. He's my world, and knowing he's a small part of your world means so much to me!!

Asher is doing well! However, he has started a low grade fever, yesterday, (100), and just could not hear us the last two days. He only complained about a little pain in an ear, but asked which one, he couldn't say. He never needed medicine for the pain or low grade fever. I am sure he has a double ear infection, or at least in one ear, so off to the doctor tomorrow. He still has a runny nose and is coughing, and this just seems on-going, and on-going. He has DIBELS testing, at school, starting tomorrow (Dec 1-3 I think)....so....not sure....but I don't think I'm sending him to school tomorrow until we see the doctor.

We have some Christmas lights up, outside, but not the tree yet.

update 5:30pm....no sooner than I finished posting this did a fever spike....102.7 right now....and his left ear is hurting where he's in tears....so....he got ear drops and motrin....trying to decide if we'll go to a nearby walk-in clinic, which we think closes at 8pm, or wait till 8am to go to the pediatrician's....he fell asleep on the couch

update 4pm Monday....went to the pediatrician this morning and Asher has a double ear infection....starting Cefdinir tonight

Asher had a 103 temp through the night and 104 by the time we got to the pediatrician at 9:45am. Nothing we did would bring it down. He's on antibiotics for a double ear infection, starting today, for the next 10 days. Right now (12:45pm) he's asleep on the couch next to me. So, he's missing school today, and tomorrow.

The doc had flu shots this morning, but we're going to wait till his ears are all better. His next set of vaccines are due in three weeks, so we can do it then. Asher will need two half doses of the flu vaccine.

update 3pm: at 2pm, when the Motrin wore off, Asher's fever spiked to 107....why is it that Asher has to have fevers that go so high....they freak me out....

I started thinking this morning, as I am researching and thinking more about Asher at school....he comes home from school a lot, talking about getting knocked down by a kid. It has happened so many times I have lost count. Yesterday he said, "A kid knocked me down into the concrete. See my knee." He told me he didn't even know the kid (in the past, he'd name the kid, and I recognize it from his class). Yesterday's knee was actually scabbed, so I could tell it had bled. But, he said it didn't, and that he didn't go to the school nurse to get a band aide.

I was thinking back to what the principal all said to me. One of which was how Asher's teacher was concerned about his body movements during transition, arm movements, and speed. I assume going from one class or activity to another. I'll bet Asher gets plowed over by other kids, who are usually always running, excited to get to where they are going.

There's a huge part of me that wants to act like cancer never invaded my little boy's brain.

That has been hard to admit to anyone.

When I ( try to ) forget the past, it is easier. Coping. Life.

Like Asher said when I asked him if he ever tells anyone he had cancer, "It's a secret."

I just wanted him to go through life like he didn't have to explain anything, he didn't have to have excuses for anything, that he was just "normal," like any other boy.



I just got off the phone with the school principal. I was holding my breath until she said, "Nothing is wrong at the school."

Asher's teacher has talked to her about Asher. Her main concern right now: Gross Motor Skills (bigger movements — such as running and jumping — that use the large muscles in the arms, legs, torso, and feet — whole body movement).

The principal wanted to know if he was in therapies right now. I gave her the run down of the evaluations we had done and that they weren't all back yet. I did tell her that I just got back the PT one and the conclusion is that he is within normal limits and doesn't need therapy.


Interestingly enough, clinic was yesterday and I was asked, "Has his school called yet?" I said no. So, I guess a day later and things have changed.


Now I have to face reality again. I need to get outta the fog and stop pretending cancer didn't happen. When I do this, sometimes it is hard to stop crying. Right now the tears are just flowing...and flowing...

Makes me think about how Asher probably feels when he is at clinic and people talk about him, look at him, make a fuss....

We don't want to talk about it.

But, we have to.

I have to start the process to get the IEP. I'll be working on a letter to the principal this week.

101.8 fever at 7pm tonight.

update Saturday 9/6: 101.8 fever still, at 12pm Saturday. Slept from 8:30pm last night to 9:30am this morning. Not eating more than 2 bites a meal. Drinking though. Tylenol has been keeping the fever away, ever four hours, and he ate a huge dinner, but he went upstairs, shivering, to the den and fell asleep on the couch within minutes and by 6:30pm his fever reached a sudden 105.1, freaking me out, but Motrin took it down to 101.5 by 7pm....still no obvious reason for the fever, so watching him closely.... by 8pm his fever was gone (temp around 99.6) and he wanted some chicken noodle soup, and now 9pm and he doesn't sound tired....yay motrin....now hoping Scott will watch him around 11pm in case that fever returns, because I'm going to bed, only got about 3 hours of sleep last night with the ding-dong ditchers (who TP'd our front yard and then rang our door bell) at midnight and me not being able to fall asleep till almost 2am, and then Asher up at 5:30am with a fever and Andrew waking up a few minutes later and then heading out to mow the front yard and get the toilet paper outta my trees and bushes....

update Sunday 9/7: 101.5 fever at 5:30am and at 12pm....woke up from a nap at 2:30pm all sweaty, so maybe the fever is finally gone for good....well, no, wrong, 7:30pm temp at 101.5 and climbing, gave more Motrin....

update Monday 9/8: I fully intended to keep Asher home from school today, because of his fever through the evening yesterday, but I wasn't expecting him to wake up crying with a fever so high the forehead scanner thermometer (what is that called?) had "HI" as the readout, instead of a number! For some reason when Asher gets a fever, one side of him is 2 degrees hotter than the other. So one side read 104 and the other "HI"....you get the idea. I used an underarm read out of 104.5 to make sure I was getting the right number then. Motrin worked its magic, though, and he slept through the fever coming down to 99. I can deal with fever associated with a reason for a fever, but it is another thing for me to emotionally, rationally deal with a fever with no known cause. So, my anxiety was going through the roof this morning, and I was almost in tears about it. Before Asher's cancer diagnosis, I was a very laid back mom when it came to illnesses. I figured things would run their course; no need to rush to a doctor. Nothing bad would ever happen to my kids. Lately I have been thinking about the worst possible things a fever could mean and I've had nightmares the last two nights about very odd things.... Anyway....he is eating just a little today, and drinking okay, and he is playing and playing since 10am, once he got up, along with another dose of Motrin. He has a pediatrician appointment tomorrow at 12:30 if his fever persists.

Update Monday Night: Motrin is doing its job, with only 2 doses so far and one more before bed here, soon. After dinner, which he ate a very small amount of (again), he did three homework sheets. He is always so happy to do them. I have his supplies in a box for him, which he says his school box. He got it out and did very well on his homework with me just reading the directions to him. He had to circle ten pictures of things that started with the letter T. Each time he said what a picture was, he said, "t-t-t-t-t" for the sound if it started with T and then he circled it. His teacher is doing an awesome job of teaching him and I'm so proud of him, that he will show me what he knows and is enthusiastic. I notice very little frustration. He erases an error and tries again. He never used to be like this. Of course, I have him do home work on days he has not been in school. I have no idea how he will do once he needs to do some on a school night (those nights are a challenge). Anyway....we'll see what the morning brings as far as a fever goes. Sometimes it is hard because I think, "Oh, he had Roseola as a kid," or blah blah blah, and then I remember, oh yeah, we had to start over. He has no immunities, as of 3/13/07, his immunities were wiped clean. Like that of a 1 1/2 year old toddler now, but he's in kindergarten. Also, he can not have the measles vaccine or chicken pox vaccine until after 3/13/09, so I worry a little bit more about him being exposed to those illnesses....as well as a few others where he just isn't caught up yet. Oh....and something cute....Asher went up for bath and he immediately got the armpit thermometer and took his temp and told daddy, "This is what my number is under my armpit."

update Tuesday a.m.: Another 105 fever at 11pm (daddy didn't give the Motrin before bed, thinking he may not need it)....this morning his temp was 100.6, not too bad, but gave him Tylenol....he'll go to the doc today just to make sure nothing needs antibiotics.

update Tuesday 2pm - doc test for (1) strep (negative), (2) mono (full results not back yet), (3) pneumonia (negative)

^xray of lungs

update Tuesday night: So, still no answers to why the fever. It was 101 this morning I gave him Tylenol. It was 100 at the doctor's office at 12:30pm, but, on the way out of the room, he grabbed his tummy in pain and his fever spiked up again. The doctor got to see it (glad!) and she had the nurse give him Motrin then, so when he got home, his temp was 98.7 on the button. The doctor reminded us that he will have 2 year old illnesses "again." She said we did right, day 4 of fever, go to the doctor. That is when they can start to test to rule things out. But, if the fever isn't gone by Thursday, then we need to take him back in Friday because after day 6 of a fever, all sorts of other things could be the cause (her words). Anyway....part of me is hoping this is just roseola....which he had at 13 months....I'm going to sit and watch for that chest rash. When asked if Asher could go to school tomorrow, her answer, "Oh no! He's too sick." She is supposed to be faxing a note to the school. He's been pretty moody today....been a long day....I think he's tired.... So....we're waiting for the blood test for mono to come back. If that is negative, then we'll take him to a nearby lab and get more blood taken so a full workup can be done.

update Wednesday: Asher woke to a 100.5 fever, not too bad. He had motrin last night around 10pm and then this morning at 7am or so. It is now 3pm and I'm not giving Motrin unless his fever returns. We shall see how the night plays out.

update Wednesday night: When Scott got home, he carried Asher upstairs (Asher said he couldn't walk)....we had been playing sequence for kids....Scott set him on the bed and turned around and he was asleep the next breath. I went up there and started talking to him and Scott said, "He's already asleep." Well, I woke him up, because I remembered he didn't eat (he had refused dinner at 5pm). So, it is 7:30pm now, and he's eating some food. He went from 11am until 7:30pm without eating. Not normal for him. He still hasn't had anymore Motrin or Tylenol. His temp has been fluctuating between 99.6 and 101.3, and I'm watching it closely. We're getting to that magical point of having to call and bring him back to the doc; if he has a fever tomorrow, we have to call for an appointment for Friday morning. I have been lifting Asher's shirt all afternoon, and into the evening, hoping for a rash. With the lack of 'high' fever returning, I was hoping for a sign of rash that would be the end of roseola. Anyway....off to bed....

update Thursday: mystery fever has vanished....bye bye fever....Asher will be going to school tomorrow

update 9/15: after the fever broke, a cough started....just in the morning at first....but now all day, and a pretty rough cough....poor guy....

The MRI last Friday went well. Traffic was light due to the holiday weekend, and we got there at about 6:45am for a 8am scan. They actually took him in at 7:30am. While we were waiting to get called in, he asked for the cherry mask that he had last time. He talked about the machine going round and round and how he didn't like it. It is the first time he has talked about the scan, before hand, with some anxiety. It is the first time he has told me details. I told the anesthesiologist to use the red mask so he was prepared and Asher wouldn't get disappointed. All went fine and when he woke up he was very confused and upset and angry....like a long time ago, when he got that way....oh I haven't forgotten. Anyway, he yelled at me all the way home. Nothing I did was right. Nothing I said was right. He wanted his daddy, not me. That he said many times over. I couldn't drive home fast enough. Anyway, we were home by 10:15am, just in time for me to turn around and take Andrew to his well-checkup, a 45 minute drive in another direction. Asher had calmed down within a half hour of being home and once he ate, he was fine.

No MRI results. No news is good news, I am sure. I am sure, too, that unless I made a point of trying to get them to call me, like I have in the past, they won't call and I won't have the MRI results till clinic, which is 3 weeks from today. The MRI was so early because it was his day off of school and I planned ahead...crazy mom.

Asher's neck was better by Sunday, but then Scott's hurt and mine, too! Oh, and Grandma Val's too. So, it must have been some cold bug passing around....our head and neck hurts along with being extremely tired....

School is going great for Asher!! I still get my sad moments, when I miss him tremendously during the day, or I get overly worried, but now I really just love that he loves to go to school. He's learning so fast, too. When he comes home, over several hours, he will tell me random things that happened during his day at school. We read more and more and more books now before bed. It feels like so many that it puts me (almost) to sleep!! I've started the bedtime routine at 5:45pm. Isn't that insane?! Well, with 4 little ones to bathe and read to, it does take over an hour. It will be nice when the older two can shower or bathe themselves! Scott gets home around 7pm; so he only sees the kids in the morning now during the week. Asher is usually asleep by 6:30pm or 7pm at the latest now! He's getting about 11 hours of sleep at a minimum. He's also eating almost all of his lunch now, including a full sandwhich, not just a half. So, I think the fact that he wasn't eating a couple of weeks ago was just stress. I'm just smiling at how much older Asher seems to be now that he has been in school for a month. The teacher has told me on a few occasions now, "He is always so polite and well behaved. He is an absolute joy to have in class." He's missed 4 days of school already, and I'm hoping so much that he won't miss any in September. But, we will see! Yesterday he told me a boy threw up in the classroom. That flu is still spreading; hopefully Asher already had that one!

The one thing that I'm struggling with is Asher's behavior at home, especially after school. I'm not sure why he acts the way he does. Some days I just want to pull my hair out.... He is treating Alexa badly, with words and actions, and mom too..... I guess at least he is good at school....

Thanks for checking in.

After washing Asher's hair this morning, he immediately cried out in pain. In his head/neck, behind/below his left ear. I put some water in the microwave and then poured it over a towel and put it on his neck while he ate breakfast. I thought maybe it was a kink from sleeping or something. He seemed uncomfortable, but I sent him off to school; Scott took him to the bus stop. 8:15 the phone rings. It is the school nurse telling me Asher is complaining his neck hurts and she said his temperature is elevated, 99.5 (which is normal for him, especially if he had been outside for 25 minutes of playground time prior to the bell ringing). I talked to him and he was sad, but he was not complaining about his neck. I told the nurse to send him back to class and see how he does. But as soon as I hung up, I felt awful. I called Scott on his cell; he was still driving to work. I was hoping he'd say something that would make me feel better. He didn't. I called the school nurse back and asked if Asher was still with her. She said no, that she gave him an ice pack and sent him to class. She talked about his "incision scar" and "does that bother him" and a few other things. She said this was the first time she has met Asher; "He's not a complainer," she said. She said he might be coming down with something as the kindergarten class kids are sick a lot. Tell me about it. Two colds and a 72 hour flu all in one month. That's the sickest he has ever been (besides cancer), I thought. I was near in tears and said I was coming to get him. I picked him up from school. He's walking around with a stiff neck. He seems overly tired, all of a sudden. I gave him some Tylenol. At least his MRI is tomorrow....

2nd week of school was okay.

A couple of mornings were a challenge to get Asher ready to go to school. One morning, he was in such a good mood, but then after breakfast he coughed so hard he threw up. His cold seemed to get worse before it got better. Anyway, after an hour to watch him, he seemed fine and was getting a bit bored and I asked him if he wanted to go to school, so when he said yes, I took him and signed him in and got him a late pass.

There is a boy in his class that he seems to be getting into trouble with. Two days in a row. I'm not sure what, maybe talking, the first day. He told me he got a timeout because he was doing something naughty with D. The second day, I actually got a call from the teacher after school, right as I was headed out the door to get Asher from the bus stop. It didn't seem major, but Asher is a sensitive child. Apparently he went out to the bathroom with his friend from class and they took too long to come back and the teacher went looking for them. There is a drinking fountain outside the bathroom, which I think is where she found them. She said she saw the other boy spitting water at Asher. She did say she didn't think Asher was spitting water; she didn't see him. She said, "He was very upset." But, I don't really think he was upset about the boy spitting water at him. He told me later that night, right before bed, "My teacher yelled at me. I cried and cried. She broke my heart." She had told me she just wanted to make sure they understood to go to the bathroom and come back to class right away. So, that's what I explained to Asher, too. I can imagine, that it would be easy to get distracted, to go from class to the bathroom, when it is outside. I grew up where the entire school was enclosed under one roof. Here, in AZ, where it is so warm, year round, there are no hallways. They walk outside each time they transition to different classrooms, or need to go to the bathroom.

I was really proud of him, by Friday I was able to drop him at the bus stop, from the van, and he stood waiting with the other two kids. I waved from the van when he was on the bus looking out the window. Friday afternoon they gave us an updated bus schedule and I saw there is actually a bus stop a bit closer to our house, so I think I'll have Asher use that one because in 2 months when the temps are cooled off enough to walk, we can walk to that stop then. It is also on a less major street in our development with less traffic (I think).

Saturday Asher was in such a great mood, until around 4pm when he started holding his tummy. About 30 minutes later he started vomiting, and he hasn't stopped. He did tell me last night that a boy threw up in class, "Not me," he said, "Just one boy." I was happy (is that the right word) when I took his temp at 9pm and he had a fever of 102. A fever is a good thing; he's sick. There isn't something wrong in his head. His cancer is not back. He's just sick. He has also been sleeping since around 8pm last night. When I saw him a couple of hours ago in bed, after he threw up (bile), he said, "Mom, leave me alone when I'm sick."


The first week I had such a horrible time, emotionally. Just felt so out of sorts! Actually, this past week too. But, the first week I realized something. I do a lot of self analyzing. I think a lot. I try to figure out why I feel a certain way or why I react a certain way. I'm my own worst critic in that way. Anyway, so the first week I wanted to understand why I felt so horrible. Was this just a control issue. Asher is in kindergarten, in someone else's care, and I have no control. No. After 3 days of wondering and thinking and analyzing, I figured it out, with the help of so many flooded memories coming back to me. As I was sitting at home, Asher at school, and feeling horrible, I realized having Asher at school, and not at home, reminded me of a time when Asher was in the hospital and I would be at home, alone, with the girls. With the exception of Andrew, toddling around, walking and smiling and laughing, it felt so much like 2 year ago when Asher was in the hospital. The day of his diagnosis invaded my thoughts part of Wednesday, that first week of school. It felt like I was re-living it. It was powerful, it was horrible. When I finally figured out how I felt and why, I had a solution. Every time I started to feel bad, I told myself, "He's not sick. He's just at school. You'll go pick him up at the bus stop at x time. He'll be home, soon." After two days of doing that, I started to feel so much better. I still feel weird, as far as him being in school and me not knowing what he's doing, etc. But, I don't feel horrible, like I'm having a panic attack. The bad memories have stayed away and I'm functioning again. I can not only take care of the kids, I can clean up the kitchen and do other daily tasks. Sounds silly, but it was pretty bad that first week.

This morning, while I sat next to him in bed, as he threw up, I had some bad feelings....about watching him throw up....but, then I told myself, he's going to be better in a day and not throwing up anymore. What a good thing that will be. I told Asher too, you'll feel better in a day or so and then you can eat and drink and play again.

Since Asher still has a fever, he won't be going to school tomorrow. I do hope he's not still throwing up tomorrow, but he has to be fever free for 24 hours before going back to school, so.....I'll have a full household, and possibly more little kids vomiting with fevers and sleeping....maybe I could be spared so that I can take care of the kids and Scott can go to work.

I'm also praying for a more healthy rest of August for Asher.

The weekend was very quick, very. Woooo, with Asher not having much playtime all week, he wanted to do lots in two days, but he was tired, too.

Asher complained about his throat hurting Friday afternoon/night but it wasn't until Saturday afternoon, when I realized he sounded sick, that I realized he was sick. Didn't help that he just told me a pretzel was stuck in his throat, and I didn't know if I should run him off to the hospital. Sometimes my boy makes things up. By Sunday morning he had a dry cough, and an hour before bed he had laryngitis (good thing for spell check on this blog software).

One week at school, already sick.

When Asher got off the bus the 2nd day of school, he was in better spirits, but he had some emotional outbursts once home. He told me he had gotten a time out at school and he was upset about it.

He was upset he didn't get to "play." And, it seems like there is so little time to play at home now too. He eats a snack once home and then watches a little TV and rests in his bean bag. Then it is dinner time and only one hour to play before bath and bed routine.

The third day must have gone better. He was not only in better spirits after getting off the bus, he was happy.

He isn't eating much during lunch. I'm not sure if he is stressed. The food I give him is the food he eats at home all the time. Yesterday after school he was starving. He had grapes and was in a very good mood.

He's gone from 7:25am-3:20pm....such a long day and I'm really missing him at home. Yesterday, after school, he told me that his teacher hurt his feelings. I asked why and he said, "Because I wanted you."

Last night before falling asleep he told me a boy touched his scar (he pointed to the back of his head). I asked him what he told the boy. He said, "I told him the doctors did something naughty back there." I reminded him he had an owie and the doctors fixed it and it was okay to tell a boy or anyone that asks. I asked him if he tells anyone he had cancer and he said, "No, that's a secret."

He's been playing "superman" with a bigger boy at recess, he has told me. He comes home with sand in his shoes and in his socks every day.

I have no idea what he does all day at school. The only thing he talks about are the time outs that other kids get (and he got one time) and a song (something about bubble gum).

Each night we continue to read before bed. Nothing new there. We have done that since he was a baby. But, now I write down the books we read each day on a log. His homework is to be read to for 15 minutes a day. We read for at least 30.

That's all the time I have now to type an update....thank you all who have written me, checked in here, and cared about Asher (and me) and this big transition! It means so much to me

I about cried when Asher came off the bus today.... He was not happy. He was tired. He was sad. I could sense it as he walked down the bus steps, so I knew right away I probably would ask very little, if anything, until he had time to rest. As I took his hand, to walk across the street back to the other 3 A-kids in the wagon, he said:

"I DIDN'T have fun! I don't want to go back! I hate school!"

Ahhhh........here's where I needed a degree in child psychology instead of civil engineering.... I decided the right thing here was to listen, tell him I was ready to listen when he wanted to tell me more about his day, ask non-invasive questions, let him rest, let him have time to himself, give him lots of water, tell him I love him, give him a smooch....in random order over the next couple of hours....


I took his backpack and his lunch bag, put them in the wagon, and gave him water. Then held his hand and walked with him, as I pulled the wagon, as we headed home in the horrible heat (I most likely will drive to the bus stop from now on)....

As we walked, I noticed Asher was walking only on his tip toes. I have never seen him do this with shoes on, only barefoot in the house (and more so right after treatment ended than currently). I saw this as a sign he was physical wore out.


He did tell me a few little things during the walk home....that walk seems very long in the heat....

He said, "A big boy helped me find my bus." This kind of worried me as the teacher told us at open house that she personally took each kid to the bus....but, suppose the class size is too big she really can't do that and has helpers. I want to find out who this helper is, if this is the case. He also had a '5' written on his hand in black and a paper bracelet on with the bus number and drop-off intersection.

He said there were two naughty boys on the bus who said, "This bus is stupid." I asked him why they said that and he said because it was too slow.

He said, "My teacher was rude. She said if we didn't be quiet it would take us longer to get out the door."

He said, "Why did you give me chips? I didn't want chips."

He said, "We didn't get to play."

He said, "I sat by a big girl at lunch. Not the boys. I don't want to sit by a girl."

He said, "I didn't like the playground, it was too hot."

He said, "I just wanted my daddy and mommy."



At home I let him cool off, drink water, rest in his bean bag and watch a kid's show on TV.

I slowly opened his backpack and folders to see what he brought home (a colored picture, a note from the teacher (form letter), a sheet of paper to fill in about Asher for "Friends Forever." I opened his lunch bag to see he didn't eat much of his lunch. I saw all his chips were crushed and broken (no wonder he was upset about the chips, because I knew he liked them).

A few more things discussed during dinner....he stepped in a puddle in the bathroom and got his brand new shoes wet....kids had to go in time out, not him, the teacher took them to the chair for time out, but not him....he didn't play baseball, only big kids did....he showed me part of a song with arm / hand motions and stuff, but he didn't remember too much of it (something about a bubble and pop and bubble gum is yummy)....



Scott got home an hour or more earlier than normal. He had called me and I told him the day wasn't so great for Asher. When he got home, Asher got a huge smile on his face, for a second, then he went running down the hall to tell him about the naughty boys on the bus and the rude teacher.... Then Scott tried to get Asher to talk more and Asher said he didn't want to, so Scott backed off, which I think was good. They went swimming then and Scott told me Asher said a couple more things about his day. He said, "He ate alone at lunch." He said, "I don't really like music."



There's probably more, but that's about the main stuff.

Today was a huge emotional day for me, for him, but I am sure each day will get a bit easier....


And, maybe tomorrow during lunch I won't get a plate out for him to eat on and Alexa won't set a place at the table for him to eat at. Alexa and I both had a little laugh about it after she said, "Oh, Asher isn't here" and she picked up the place mat she had put out for him and put it away. I told her, "Oh, and I got him a plate out." So, I put the plate back in the cupboard.