This is what any parent wants, right? A normal kid.

Asher went to the dentist today. The gal that was going to clean his teeth wouldn't touch him until the doctor gave her the okay. Actually, same for Alexa. The medical history needs to be clean / cleared by the dentist before any work is done. So, the dentist asked lots of stuff about Asher, and most of it was about whether or not he was currently taking any medications and if his ANC was in the normal range.

He said Asher's teeth and gums looked wonderful. Although, his teeth are horribly crowded. He wasn't going to do an xray and didn't want to until he turned 6, but I requested it anyway. And, so he did it.

I looked at the images with the dentist then and his teeth looked great. No decay. No cavities. They are very crowded; even the adult ones are overlapped already and no way they will have enough room in his mouth without extractions / orthodontics. I basically already knew this. He did ask me if Asher had fallen face / mouth first into something, and I had to stop and think. I remember when he was maybe 14 months old he did stumble and hit face first into an airtivity playtable (I even have a video of it because I was video taping him at the time). The dentist said three of his front teeth don't have proper roots on them for their age. He said the trama made them think they were supposed to come out. He said to expect they may come out earlier than usual.

They reminded me that flossing needs to be done nightly as he will have a higher risk of cavities between the teeth / sides of the teeth with the over crowding problem.

He told me that chemo would cause the sides of the teeth to decay, but Asher has no signs of any problems. He also said the chemo could make his teeth fall out late, because of grow rate decreasing in kids that receive radiation and chemo (although Asher did not receive radiation).

He said, "So, we will treat Asher normally, like we treat other kids."

Woohoo.

Asher really wanted me to hold his hand the entire time he was having his teeth cleaned. I didn't realize he was nervous at all, until he saw the chair and was told to sit in it and he sat but he kept telling me (more like begging me) to hold his hand. I did hold his hand at first, and then told him he was doing great. Then he wanted me to go in with him during his xrays and I told him I couldn't so I just walked away. He cooperated fine with the gal, though, even when I wasn't there. Next time I won't even go back with him.

Right before a late-lunch today, Asher asked me to take a photo of the back of his head. I was actually taking a photo of baby Andrew in his booster chair at the kitchen table at the time. So, of course I did as Asher asked. I took the picture, and then immediately he wanted to see it on the screen of the digital camera. I showed it to him. He made a quick comment that his hair is growing there. I said, yes, it grows over the bald area with the way it is cut.

We have been spending a lot of time outside. I guess this week it might reach 80 degrees!!

Every day Asher gets stronger, and I swear, taller! A few weeks ago I bought him size 12 1/2 tennis shoes. Today he said, "Thank you for buying me new tennis shoes mom." I really think I might as well just bought him size 13 tennis shoes!

Here is Asher hanging off a handle bar and a fireman's pole this afternoon. This is his new way to 'jump' down from his treehouse (as of yesterday when his daddy taught him this, so he tells me).




I am shocked he is a year post-treatment, already!

It looks like the hearing test, echocardiogram, and brain and spine MRI will be on 3/12/08. I'm not sure if there are additional tests or appointments to make. I do know I need Asher to get into the dentist; it has been a year now. He was cavity free last year, and I'm hoping the chemo didn't destroy his teeth and he is still cavity-free this year. I am also going to make a consultation appointment with the plastic surgeon; Asher asked about having hair on his bald spot (and he doesn't mean hair 'hanging over' the spot like I have allowed it to grow) and he deserves to discuss this with a doctor per his request.


It was 3/13/07 when Asher received his stem cells, when he was rescued back to health, and when he was given a chance at life all over again. I'll tell you, he hasn't disappointed....he's growing, learning, loving, and fighting. I am challenged as his mother. I am abundantly blessed to be his mother.


I have nothing but good thoughts about his upcoming MRI.

Like I have mentioned before, MRI day is just like any other. Any day our life could take a turn. We treasure each and every one right now!

Thanks for checking-in on Asher!


And, for those that check in on me, Asher's mom, I just wanted to mention that I am now off Zoloft, the anti-depressant I had started back on the day after Andrew was born, 7 months ago, (and what I was taking for 3 months prior to conceiving Andrew). It was a mighty-tough withdrawal; I weaned off of it over 6 weeks. I am feeling better now. I think it will help to be off the drug, to get some perspective on my 'real' feelings. I've done plenty of crying the last three weeks. It is apparent that the Zoloft had dried up my tears. But, the tears have now been cleansing. I have some left-over anger, and I need to work on figuring out where it really comes from and how to release it in a healthy way. I have more growing to do, and I always will.

Again, thanks for checking in.


Looking for new inspirational quotes? I added some to this blog and they randomly come up at the top of the left side-bar.

I think I mentioned that one other time, a few months ago (I think?), Asher asked about his bald spot on the back of his head....

Well, tonight, at dinner, out of no where, Asher said, "Mom, what did the doctor's do to me?"

Well, here is how our conversation went (the photo is from 2/6/08 after I gave him a haircut - first time I cut it with a scissors all over instead of using a shaver/buzz cut):


A "Mom, what did the doctor's do to me?"

me "What do you mean, Asher?"

A (feeling the back of his head at the dinner table, while eating dinner) "My hair, isn't there. Why not?" (looking in the patio door, at his reflection)

me "Well, back when you were in the hospital, you got an infection in your blood, and it got in the tissue in your head and made an owie. Then the doctor's fixed your owie and now you have a bald spot."

A "But I want hair there."

me "You know, it looks okay. You can barely tell it is bald there. Remember at your birthday party, no one even noticed or talked about your bald spot. Right?"

A (nods head yes)

me "But if you want hair there, we can talk to a doctor. Do you want to talk to a doctor?" (I didn't say plastic surgeon.)

A (nods head yes)

me "You'd have to have surgeries. Do you want to have surgery again?"

A "No." (looked down at his plate)

me (squishy lips / hmmmm expression)

A (finished his dinner)



Asher is sick again. He had a low-grade fever a few days ago and now has a nagging cough and some congestion. He was very tired today, even yawning mid-day. He hasn't had naps during the day in quite some time now. Alexa was going to have a sleep-over at her grandma's house, so after Aubree woke from her nap, we were on our way there in the van. I brought Asher's blanket and when I buckled him into his carseat, I bundled him with his blanket and told him to take a nap. He did just that, but only on the way there (25 minute drive).

We have had beautiful weather here this past week. Not today. It was cloudy, grey, rainey, and even a bit chilly. But the three days prior to today were absolutely gorgeous. We spent a lot of time outside. Swinging. Sitting. Laying and looking at the fluffy white clouds. Petting the dogs. I think it was 75, slight breeze, sunny - partly cloudy. If I could choose, I would have that weather every day, 365 days a year.

In speaking with Asher about going to clinic this week, he would respond that he would be going to get a picture of his brain. I reminded him that we did that last month but clinic had been post-poned to January. I told him he goes back for his brain picture in March, two months away.

So, Asher went to clinic today at 2:30pm. It was his 9-month post-transplant brain tumor clinic, but they had asked us to reschedule last month to this month, so he is 10-month post-transplant, however, no tests were performed today so the discussion was regarding December 2007 tests/scans.

The transplant doctor came by the room and said hi to Asher. She said she didn't recognize him, but she recognized me. Then she carried him off to go see a transplant nurse-practitioner that cared for Asher most of the time during his transplant, but she had already gone over to the hospital. She just kept saying he looked so good.

It was a pretty low-key appointment. The clinical nurse, oncologist, and social worker were there. The oncologist checked Asher, although, Asher was being uncooperative today. It was weird, because when we got there he said, "Where's Dr. Etzl?" with excitement. But, as soon as the doctor came in the room, Asher wouldn't look at him, have eye contact what-so-ever, and he wouldn't even squeeze the doctor's fingers with his hands when asked. They asked me a few times, "Does he talk at home? Does he interact normally?" etc.

The oncologist asked Asher (and me) questions such as:

Do you ever see 2 of anything? (not sure)
Has he had any infections? (no)
Has he had any fevers? (yes on 12/24/07 105.5)
Has he complained of any headaches where you could tell he was in pain? (no)
How's his memory? (great - he remembers things from today and even months ago)

He's 41.1lbs and 3'-7" tall today.

His counts on 12/18/07 (9-months post-transplant) were:

wbc 5.1 (4-12)
rbc 4.10 (4-5.3)
hemoglobin 12.8 (11.5-14.5)
hematocrit 35 (33-43)
platelets 275 (130-450)
segmented neutrophils 44 (25-50)
lymphocytes 41 (40-65)
monocytes 10 (4-10)
sodium 139 (135-145)
potassium 4.1 (3.5-5.2)
chloride 103 (96-110)
co2 23 (20-28)
protein, total 6.1 (5.7-8.0)
calcium 9.4 (8.8-10.8 )
bilirubin, total 0.3 (0.2-1.3)
magnesium 2.1 (1.5-2.4)

They said his kidney is functioning fine and all counts/levels were within normal.

We should be hearing within the next week or so regarding the schedule for the March tests....hearing, MRI (brain and spine), and heart or something (I forget, I think ECHO).

When I asked about when they will scan his spine again (they didn't do it in Dec '07), they said they will do it in March. Since he did not have radiation, and on very rare cases a recurrence could begin in the spine, they will scan his spine.

And, remember, because Asher did not have radiation, he continues MRIs every 3 months the second year post-treatment, just like the first year post-treatment.

The clinical nurse ended the appointment by saying, "It was a very tough protocol he followed. He looks really good."

It was, tough, and we are very thankful, to the entire medical staff at PCH, for getting Asher to a healthy state. I do believe without medicine, we wouldn't be where we are today.

However, I also believe "that it was not Asher's time to go." I think the second craniotomy was miraculous. I think healing from the biggest infection / head wound involved miraculous healing. It was also the break he needed in the protocol to be strong for the transplant. It wouldn't matter to me what anyone else says, this is what I believe.

There are memories of crying in those clinic rooms....to smile today felt good. I will allow myself this happiness.

Oh, and I remembered one more thing....I seem to remember a little piece of this appointment as time goes on here....I was asked if Asher was going on a Make A Wish trip. I said no. Then I was asked, "Don't you believe in it?" Then I sat there with confusion, in my mind and heart, and I stumbled with my words, "I guess, not for us." I guess I always thought Make A Wish was for really sick kids. Asher isn't sick. Then I was told, "Well, if you change your mind, it would be a nice vacation." I don't think I'll change my mind, though. Maybe it is just because of our family size....and a trip would everyone would be far too stressful. Also, Asher didn't understand cancer, and he didn't / doesn't understand what a wish is. I took Asher to Georgia in September '07 and he had fun and I have memories with him and he still talks about the trip, however, Scott doesn't have those memories with us. I don't know....

I got a call this morning around 8am from the clinic nurse, Annie, and she said Asher's MRI looked awesome, no evidence of disease. And then Annie asked if they could reschedule his clinic appointment. The oncologist was in-patient and it would have been too horrible for him to make the appointment. I was fine with that....only question I had was when will they scan the spine again. Yesterday was the first time (in awhile) that they didn't scan his spine, only his brain. Since he has never had evidence of disease in his spine, I was fine with the decision not to scan, but I just want to be sure they are 100% sure the cancer would show up in his brain prior to his spine, if it came back. We will discuss this more in late January (1/23 I believe) when I take Asher to clinic. Even though the clinic is 1 month later, the next MRI will still be 3 months from now, March 2008. The thought that it won't be till April that we have to dish out another couple of thousand dollars for deductibles, is great! It is a new life, wonderful healthy life, that includes budgetting $2000+ for one child's medical expenses this coming year, which is a 33% increase over last year (ouch!).

So, because clinic was cancelled, we picked up our new 8 week old boys (Rohr and Ryder) this morning instead of this afternoon. Aren't they beautiful?! They are Cavalier King Charles Spaniels. Donna, our pups' breeder, is wonderful and we are so grateful to her for allowing us to adopt these boys!

Thank you to all our blog readers for the prayers and positive thoughts. MRI time is never easy on the heart and mind, but it is nice to have Christmas without cancer worries.

Happy Holidays to our blog readers!!

I can't believe it has been another 3 months!

They have been wonderful months!

Asher is doing so much better running. Last night he ran down a hill, that has landscape rock on it, and was going pretty fast towards the grass and I wanted to leap over to catch him (but I was too far and I didn't dare, he's a big boy now). He got to the grass, with no balance issues, no feet issues, no pain, and, with the same speed, he kept on running in the grass.

I think he has already forgotten all about the 6 months of hospitalization and 10 months of treatment!

I haven't completely forgotten, but much of it is far from my mind!

I even have little to no anxiety about his MRI tomorrow!

I'll post again Wednesday night with results from the MRI, blood tests, and even a little surprise!

Thanks for thinking of us!!


^Asher in his playground / treehouse in the backyard, 12/12/07, 9 months post-transplant.

ETA: Tonight while talking in bed, Asher said, "When I go to see Dr. Etzl (that's his oncologist), he will shave my head again." So....we talked about why his hair fell out during chemo and I told him he is just getting a check-up and the doctor is going to say he looks great!

Each night when Asher and I lay in bed, we talk. I have decided I should read to him during the daytime and use nighttime as a time to talk. A time for me to really listen, just him and me (or Andrew him and me). It is when he tells me what he thinks, feels, etc., and it is the ONLY time it is EASY to get him to talk to me. I think it will be something we do for years to come.

Anyway....last night was the first time I remember him talking to me about medical stuff from last year.

He said (out of the blue), "Remember when Daddy took me to the doctor? My head was breaking," he says as he wiggles a few fingers in front of his forehead, "and Daddy took me to the doctor cuz my head was breaking and the doctors fixed my head. Yeah, the doctors fixed it."

I said, "I remember."

Then he was on to the next topic.

I'm not sure exactly what he remembers and I don't try to help him remember or try to get him to talk about it. In a small kind of way, I guess I was surprised it came up last night and I'm sure I'll never know why. I'm glad he can talk to me about it though, but it makes me wonder what I might say if the conversation turns question and answer session. What will I tell him? How will I tell him? Hopefully I'll know the right thing to say when needed. Learn as we go.

How is it already November 12th? Wow!

We had a good Halloween! Not enough time to do all we wanted, but we (I mean, I) did get two pumpkins carved, the kids in costume, and trick-or-treating was fun for everyone.

Now, as we approach Thanksgiving, I think about all that I am thankful for.

The biggest, as I am sure you know, how can it not be obvious, my son is cancer-free.

CANCER-FREE

This is part of the brain-cancer journey we hope lasts forever, but we fear it may not....I remember when we had the last clinic appointment, the oncologist and the neurosurgeon's assistant were talking to each other, and I caught part of the conversation...."With kids that do not have radiation, we do MRI scans every three months for longer than we do if they had received radiation." The is what hangs over my head the most....we didn't do radiation....did we make the right decision. I think we did. Today I know we did. Will I think the same thing tomorrow....time will tell.... The next MRI has been scheduled: Tuesday, December 18, 2007, 10am.

There is always doubt. There is always wonder. But, we live today and enjoy it. The only thing I am doing wrong is avoiding getting Asher in school....I have this thought in the back of my mind to not let go of the rest of this year with him at home with me. What if something were to happen to him....I would never regret keeping him out of preschool. I like seeing him with Andrew every day, something I didn't get to see last year when Aubree was a newborn. With that said, it may be time to send him to school in January. He is yearning to do more learning than I can do teaching. Please pray that we will all make the best decisions and not live with regret.

The thing about time going fast at age 34, I can remember my life at 33 like it was yesterday. I still remember my friend Barbara coming in with part of our Thanksgiving meal (my AZ moms group provided us with a wonderful meal) and I wispered to her, "I think I'm pregnant." Shortly after she left, I took a HPT. Now my baby is almost 4 months old and the great thing about having a baby that wasn't 'planned' or expected (by Scott and me), is that the miracle of life is much more appreciated. Of course, we know the miracle of good health and good life after Asher got cancer, but now our house is a bit more dirty, more cluttered and messy, and our arms are more full of baby. Having Andrew has relaxed me so much more. I have realized that I can not make time go slower and I certainly can not know how long my baby will be with me, which ever baby that may be.

Happy Thanksgiving to all our blog readers! May the reflection of thanks be full in your hearts.

This weekend is very special to me.

It was a year ago that I would bring my son home from the hospital so his head wound could heal before more chemo.

It was a year ago that he was cancer free after finishing round 3 of chemo a month earlier (but we wouldn't find out for another month after the Nov. '06 MRI).

It was a year ago that we would have all three of our children home, together, our family, and we would celebrate Halloween together.

It was a year ago that Scott and I conceived Andrew (had to throw that one in...we always said that thanks to the doctors and nurses (for letting Asher go home) we have Andrew - can you believe he is 3 months old already?!).

I was thinking yesterday about how we would do trick or treating this year with 4 kids and still hand out candy. Last year we put out the candy and left it for the kids to self-serve. We had to have two strollers because Asher wasn't strong enough to walk on his own and he had the vac thing attached to his head and we had to find a way to carry that around. A stroller worked best. Aubree and Alexa were in the other stroller (Aubree only 5 months old). This year we could have Asher and Alexa walk and Aubree and Andrew in one double stroller and one of us stay home to hand out candy...but our neighborhood is dark and I would worry...so...I think we'll do the self-serve thing again this year and enjoy trick-or-treating together. I think Grandma Val is going to come by in costume to surprise the kids, too. Also, a neighbor has invited the neighborhood over for fun prior to trick-or-treating.

Asher didn't want to go to the pumpkin patch today, he said. He is almost all better after his cold, cept his voice is still a bit funny with the lingering congestion, but he felt fine. (He was sick first, so he got better first...the girls and I are close behind though.) I think Asher just doesn't realize / remember what a pumpkin patch is. We'll go tomorrow.

Today was more yardwork. My grass seed took and came in nice, except it was striped a bit. Nice. So, I had to go out and add more seed with the spreader, walking slower this time to get it to go in the rows that didn't have any or enough. Ended up using 2 more bags....I only used 2 bags to begin with. Each bag is for 20,000 sq ft according to the directions on the bag. The front lawn is 6,400 sq ft. That's a lot of seed, but necessary to get it to look nice. I just hope the striping goes away and when I mow for the first time it still looks okay. I still haven't overseeded the backyard lawn...being sick last weekend slowed me down.

Anyway....

So, I also trimmed bushes, trimmed some palms, and played with the kids. The kids keep busy in the yard while Scott and I work. Scott was fixing some trees (3 blew over to 45 degrees in the wind storm last week) and irrigation leaks and stuff. When I rested on the patio the kids were playing with water. Their favorite thing to do. Asher decided he would "wash his hair"....


^Asher at home, in the backyard, 10/27/07, "Washing my hair," he says.

At least it was 90 degrees out and the water cooled him off a bit from his hard play. He wanted to go swimming but I wouldn't let him do that! The water was cold. Whatever he chose to do today, sure beat last year!


^Asher in the hospital, 10/27/06, after his head dressing change under anesthesia, not quite awake yet.

Hope all our blog visitors have a wonderful Halloween!

10/28/07 - added pumpkin patch photos - look over there on the left under photo journals

This was a special trip that I (Asher's mom) planned for Asher. We paid for it. This was Asher's first time on an airplane.

Here is what we did:

It is MRI month...MRI is two weeks from now (9/21)...just thinking...and loving his smiles...and staying up late to actually do a layout. The photos were taken on 9/5/07. One year ago, on 9/5/06, Asher had his first trip home after being in the hospital for 56 straight days for two rounds of chemo and a stem cell collection. I remember the joy in bringing him home, and the sorrow in taking him back to the hospital 2 days later to begin round three of chemo. The memories are sorta fading. I barely think about those days anymore. The closer to MRI time, the more I do think about those days, and the more I pray we don't have to go through days like that again.... 9/10 marks 6 months since Asher completed chemo. It is amazing how 10 months of treatment seemed like it dragged on and on and on, but these past 6 months went way too fast. We treasure each day!


Kit, Surfer Dude, by Gina of Digital Design Essentials; Fonts, CK Maternal

September is childhood cancer awareness month. I'm still in the "I'm trying to avoid any memories of cancer" phase, but I did want to say, again, how thankful I am for all those that touched our lives by reaching out to us during a challenging time in our lives. We are still picking up the pieces. Learning what affects the surgeries and chemo had on Asher and on our whole family, our relationships, our thinking, our communication, our future hopes and dreams....

I also want to say how thankful I am to those that donate blood. Asher had so many transfusions during his treatment and without them, he wouldn't be here today. So, even though I am getting a bit frustrated with UBS (United Blood Services of AZ) because they are calling twice a day to talk to Scott about donating blood and I keep telling them he is at work, I want to send the message out there that there is a shortage of blood and blood products in AZ! If you can do anything this month, during childhood cancer awareness month, go donate blood! And, on the same note, if you're pregnant, remember, you can donate your baby's cord blood (if you don't want to bank it for your own family). You need a kit to bring with you before go into labor or go to have your c-section, so talk to your OB and call CBR (Cord Blood Registry) for more information. Help save a life!

One final note: Asher will be going on his first plane ride next Friday morning (9/14). He and I are taking a little 3-day trip. I hope he loves it....

'PQ' is the 'game' Asher just can't get enough of! I don't even think I would call it a game, or let me say, most people wouldn't call it a game. It is my type of game though and Scott got it for me back when Asher was in the hospital and I got to play 10 minutes before Asher took over and I only played the other night because Asher and Scott couldn't do one level and asked me to do it (and I solved it). Before 'PQ', Asher and I played 'Exit' together, and that one too, he just took over and barely needed my help. Anyway, the last two weeks he just wants to play 'PQ' though. It is neat to watch him figure out how to get his man out of the 3D maze by moving blocks, setting blocks on buttons, climbing on blocks, avoiding lasers, pushing blocks in front of lasers, etc. He's got a good mind for this stuff I guess. Now he plays that and I play "Crush," and I am sure pretty soon he will see me play and take that over too. They are all really the same type of puzzle/game and I really think it is cool that my son (as young as 3) and I can enjoy playing together.

It is Sunday, August 26th. I was trying to think of why today's date sounded so familiar...finally figured it out. It was two years ago today we got the keys to our new home and moved in! Unfortunately, with young children, two new babies since we moved in, one child ill for a year, it has been difficult to "settle in" to our home. We are doing it slowly though and there really isn't any rush, but we have been missing some of our 'things' over the last 3 years since that is when we sold our last home to get the new home. Today, Scott was moving some boxes around in the storage closet to find a couple of boxes of mine and I guess Asher got into the Easter box. I heard him ask Scott if he could color eggs and Scott said no, that it was for Easter. After two times of him asking, I called him to show me what he found and it was an unopened egg coloring kit (dyes, stickers, etc.). I told him that it would be lots of fun....so about half an hour later I went to see if we had enough eggs for me to boil some, and sure enough, we did. So, I told Asher I had to boil them first and then they would have to cool to room temperature before we colored them. So, several hours later, after dinner, he got to color eggs. Just he and I did it. Alexa didn't even want to do it. I can not even begin to tell you how wonderful it was to do something spontaneous; something easy, quick and fun; something to make my son glow with this much joy! There are no words....it is becoming easier and easier to forget the pain of last year. We are busy here. We are tired. But, we are well. Thanks for checking in.

Tomorrow is Asher's half birthday; he will be 4 1/2!

Yesterday was as good a time as any to get his new Superman bike out of the box (that has been in the garage since Christmas) and put together and ridden by this very happy boy!